Fear and Grunting in Las Vegas

On May 12, 2010, in Travel, Uncategorized, by admin

Many of you know I like to travel to Las Vegas on vacation. This is not for the gambling, but for the many other things that Las Vegas has become. One of them is the great restaurants and eating in general. Gone are the Surf n Turf buffets for $3.99. They have been replaced by a host of mid to high end resturaunts that offer something for every taste. Of course, this leads to an overwhelming amount of food consumption. Well, what goes in must come out. And here is where we begin this review. You see, with a load of In n Out Burger and other great eats, it was time for the exit of all this consumed ‘energy’.  As we previewed several casinos around Las Vegas, I had the opportunity to rate restrooms for many of these. So, like it or not, here is my review of each.

M Resorts. This is a high end property in the middle of nowhere. Nice place. The restrooms where well decorated in marble like material. The doors nearly reached the floor for a nice dose of privacy. The crapper flushed, like many crappers in Las Vegas, with a a strong rush to help move materials, down the hole leaving few stains. The paper was at least two ply, reflective of a higher end Las Vegas property. You had better trial run these rest rooms in a hurry as I know you will, based upon the crowds at this resort, or lack there of, not sure how long these rest rooms will be in existence.  Based upon the above, I give M resorts crappers, a B+

South Point Resort and Casino. This is a medium end property also located far from the strip. When given the opportunity to use their crapper after a compelling tour of the pool area, I JUMPED AT THE CHANCE. In line with the property, this was a standard room with doors that barely stayed closed. It is tough to do your business with one hand while holding the door closed with another. It was close to noon. The room was over taken with too many crapper uses (or it could have been from the adjacent rodeo arena). TP was a stunning one ply. Wash your hands good after use. Rating C.

Green Valley Ranch. Another property off the strip, this is a higher medium resort with a great pool area. The decor is quite nice throughout, and the crapper was no different. Decent privacy with doors that at least stayed latched shut. Single ply TP. I expected more. It also was decorated rather bland considering that much of the materials inside the casino are stone. A lot of old people in this casino as well.  That never spells ‘good news’ for the crappers, and I think you know why. Same Las Vegas flush. Overall rating. C+

Aria. For those of you Las Vegas Nubes, this is one of the properties in the new $15B City Center project by MGM Grand and some Dubai partnership. Again, when faced with the opportunity to grace their crapper, I was elated. My expectations were supported. Man. Nice white marble surroundings. Floor length doors for total privacy and the occasional couple who wishes to have sex in a crapper. Hell, they were even somewhat sound proof to allow a little groaning without embarrassment. Beautiful two ply that had to be one of the better brands. Left my ass baby soft. Same Las Vegas flush. Nice washing area. (We mention this only because it stood out. Clearly this review is not about washing hands and other hygienically correct matters) Boring. This was the king of crapper attempts. Rating A-. OK the minus is harsh. I would only give a plus if there is a personal attendant to wipe my ass for me.

Stratosphere. Ah yes, the Motel 6 of the strip. The minimalist property where you can always find a room for around $50. We stay at this resort when we wish to save a few greenbacks. Accordingly, sparse but clean crappers. They are kept clean like the rest of the property, but have very little to offer (like I had to explain to you what the ‘Motel 6″ thing as all about.  Sorry for insulting your intelligence).  Now given this is this property, I am surprised they stayed clean.  Must have decent crapper cleaning service as the normal client of Motel 6 are larger Harley looking thugs, families(ugh), hippies, and generally any other alternative lifestyle you can figure.  Generally, this group is not good on crappers as 1) their waste reeks because of all the shit they eat, and 2) they generally smell like all hippies do (except me, of course).  So hats off to Motel 6 for keeping them clean.  No small feat. One ply, but then you would expect no less at Motel 6. Las Vegas flush. Overall rating? B….not because they were so good, rather, they left the light on.


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