People Can Really Be Annoying

On June 27, 2010, in People Are Strange, by admin

People Can Be Annoying

Nothing can be more obvious on how annoying people can be than on a crowded airplane. People are crammed next to each other so close even your family members will be jealous.  There is more human contact on an airplane than in most family reunions. Just back from travel after a long break from business travel, it reminded me of the many experiences on travel. This is a not so blatant commercial for Bose noise canceling headphones. (nope, no ads for Bose below…just have to go to their website and purchase .  I can catorogize the offenders:

THE SNORERS. These are the obvious group. You can usually see who they will be in advance of sitting.  They are the usual overweight, many times older business men with hair coming out of their nose and ears…(sorry, this would have been an ad for Sharper Image nose hair removers, if they were still in business).  They sit, spend far too much adjusting their shit in the space before…ad a few snorts along the way, then settle in.  All is good until after take off, and for the marathoners, after beverage service.  soon, you hear it.  The buffalo snorting, long drawn out annoying snore.  You look back, and of course, there they are. Head back, mouth wide open, druel down their cheek, snoring, completely oblivious to those around.  Bet these are great guys to be married to.  No wonder we have a high divorce rate.  CAUTION. For you who bit on the Bose plug, beware, many times the buffalo ass snorers overrun the noise canceling feature of the headphones. These are the most common annoying people on commercial airlines.

THE ARM REST HOG. This one can come in many flavors.  Fat (which we will deal with in a second) skinny, chicks, petite, you name it.  All it takes is a good dose of “its all about me and you don’t exist as a result” to be one of these.  BTW, my wife says I am one of these….OK.  I accept.  Many times these are business guys so engrossed in their little business world, pounding away SO IMPORTANT e-mails that I am sure just cannot wait.  As they type like a Banshee in heat, their elbows get further and further on the arm rest, reducing you to a bean stalk with your arms crossed on your lap.  Advice to counter, just do it yourself.  Sooner or later, they will get it, or confrontation will happen, and thats when it gets fun.

FAT PEOPLE. Sorry folks.  I do not mean to be mean.  I am no small guy, and carry 20 lbs too much.  But in the end, many people just have no business stepping on a airplane.  These large beasts try to fit in seats clearly designed for stick figures.  This one is on the commercial airlines.  Blame them for their corporate greed that tries to cram every penny of revenue into an airplane. But in the end, we suffer.  You sit next to one of these, and well, there is no arm rest. no nothing.  They spill over into your area by up to 40%….space you clearly paid for.  I remember coming back from Europe, sitting next to a lady roundly 150 pounds overweight.  The good news, she was a charming lady and conversation was good.  She was apologetic. The bad news?  I spent the trip wedged under her massive arms and right side. The normal too cold airplane became a  way too warm blanket of body fat. I clearly had to ‘go to another place’ in my sweaty existence for those 10 hours. Whew.

THE ‘I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO MY MUSIC TOO’ KIDS. No, its not enough they want to go deaf, they somehow feel they need to draw you into their musical word of Hip Hop or whatever, sucking the very IQ down that you have spent a life time building up.  You hear the high end treble coming from their little white ear pods.  Kids, get your own Bose Noise Canceling headphones, then we would not hear your crap.

THE CHOMPERS. Oh, this by far, is my favorite.  you know them.  Whether it is gum or their shitty smelling sandwich they brought on the plane, when they chew, they smack.  They are the pigs in dirt in the barn, chewing their cud so viciously. Even worse are the gum chewers.  There are those out there so unaware of others that they regularly chew their gum, purposely popping it.  You the the type.  They have that type of chew that signals their type A, and “involved” personality….they have their act together, and they chew to celebrate. Go ahead.  Put a bullet in my head.

But, in the end, all of the above except the occasional heavy snorer can be cured with Bose Noise Canceling Headphones.  But, in the end, you have to remember to take them with you on your trip…..and that my friends, (and those I have offended in this post) is where I failed this last trip

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